You know the drift, most people nowadays use proprietary messaging protocols. Be it SMS, Skype, Discord, Teamspeak, etc. And we're all tired of them. A lot of people are stuck to these services because all their friends are on them. But let's say that you're not limited by what normies want to use, and could use whatever protocol you'd like, I'd like to argue that Email + IRC is your best choice.

The duality of messaging

When you're messaging you either send messages that you want the recipitent to read immediately, or messages that aren't time-critical. Email is non-time-critical unless you run the smtpd on your local machine. And IRC is the reverse.

The beautiful simplicity of it all

Email is so ubiquitous that every site on the planet makes you sign up with an email address. There's nothing extra to set up, since you already have an email address (I hope). And using IRC is as simple as setting up a channel with a key, no operators needed! Compared to setting up Jabber/XMPP it's literal child's play.

IRC/Email Software I recommend

I realize this post would be pointless if I introduced all of these protocols without telling you how to use them. So here's what I use:

I hate jogging, and running for long periods of time generally. Don't get me wrong, I'm not lazy. I am a proponent of being fit, and even of sprinting. But recreational running is objectively, in my opinion, stupid.

HERE ARE THE REASONS

1. Whenever I run longer than ~1km I feel like puking my innards out (making my innards outards fqfqfqfqfqfqwfwfaarsarsarsarsa). But I don't when I'm doing benchpress.

2. Our distant ancestors (not the monkeys, they are gay) only ran when hunting, specifically to catch up with prey. If they couldn't catch up to the prey fast, they'd give up. Since they're wasting more energy than they would get eating their prey.

A little while ago I made Sm. You can find it here. Sm is a tool for managing your websites. It's currently undocumented, but you can probably learn it by looking at the source code.

>inb4 "the trannies"
>inb4 this is just anectodal
>inb4 you're just misogynistic

In case you don't know what the rules of the internet are, here's a quick rundown of the most important ones

• 1. Do not talk about /b/
• 2. Do NOT talk about /b/
• 11. All your carefully picked arguments can easily be ignored
• 14. Do not argue with trolls - it means that they win
• 15. The harder you try the harder you fail
• 22. Copypasta is made to ruin every last bit of originality
• 23. Copypasta is made to ruin every last bit of originality
• 27. Always question a person's sexual preferences without any real reason
• 28. Always question a person's gender - just in case it's really a man
• 29. In the internet all girls are men and all kids are undercover FBI agents
• 30. There are no girls on the internet
• 34. There is porn of it, no exceptions
• 63. There is always a female version of a male character, and vice versa

Yes I know that most of these -- even the one I'm talking about here -- are statements, not rules. And I also know that I've already broken two of them.

I'd like to talk about #30, and why it's always fucking true. Well, I say that, but I need to clarify what I really mean when I say "There are no girls on the internet". There are very nominally girls on the internet. They might post on forums (probably not anymore), or make ewtube videos, or visit any other vapid social media website. But here's the thing. Not a single girl in the universe ever sets up an http server. And no girl ever builds a computer. They don't write good programs, and they aren't intrested in doing those types of things. Girls wrongly (objectively wrongly) think that terrible $999 sheets of aluminium with some computer parts (maybe) hidden inside of them, are better than a Thinkpad x200 (the best computer ever made).

Even the girls that supposedly "write code" are shams. They take a programming course on a university and get a job (because meritocracy doesn't fucking exist) with some coorporation (a place where no good code is ever made). Where they write nominal little snippets of bloated awful code.

What I'm saying is that girls have no passion or interest in computers, or maybe even technology. I have never met a single girl that knows C. And of all the 2 girls I've seen online that knows C, 2 of them are doubiously tranny-looking.

I strongly urge you to flame me @ my email

1. Super Mario 64

Yeah, you already know this list is going to be controversial.

The movement in sm64 is unrivaled by any other game. Newer mario games' (like super mario odyssey) movement is so sluggish and slow in comparison. Just moving from point A to B feels so good in sm64. And all the levels are designed to challenge your movement abilities! And on top of that, there's no annoying overarching story. Because good games don't need story!

2. Clone Drone in the Danger Zone

That's right, I don't just hate modern things for no reason! I do think there are good modern games, like this game.

The way each upgrade in this game interacts with eachother is really fun. Just having a sword and a jetpack enables countless different strategies. You might just fly around with your jetpack and tear through bots with your sword, or maybe you ready your sword and then jump forward at your enemy using the jetpack and strike them so they can't react in time. All the different challenges are genius too. My favorite being the raptor challenge, where I just flew around with a jetpack smashing raptors with hammers. This game is really fun

3. Fallout: New Vegas

Games usually don't need story, here's the exception

New Vegas' lore is really deep. But the people that made this game doesn't force you to interact with any of it! I mean, you probably should. I find the lore really interesting :P

... But the best part about New Vegas is it's atmosphere. This doesn't apply if you use VATS, btw (VATS really ruin all tension in this game, I don't know why it exists). Picking away in opressing environments, actively looking out for enemies, really makes you FEEL like spiderman :P. And none of this is even mentioning the character building. When you make your character, you get to customize his appearance or whatever, but most importantly, you get to customize his stats. You have seven "SPECIAL" attributes, which really define what type of character you'll be playing (since you can't change them later on). You also have tag skills (skills that will get an initial boost). And perks. Perks are conditional traits, like being able to sex certain NPC of the oposite gender in dialogue to get a discount or something. Or just giving you an attack bonus when unarmed.

Also, this game makes killing random enemies satisfying. Because of the cinematic cameras, and small amounts of experience they give you

4. Minetest (with friends)

Singleplayer minetest is boring. But with friends, things get fun

I usually play the MineClone 2 game. And teaming up with friends and fighting other friends is really fun in this game. Building skybridges and secret bases is not just a waste of time anymore (which it is in singleplayer). The one problem I have with this game though is it's lack of gameplay mechanics. Building is kind of entertaining, for a while. Combat is also fun, for a while. There's no advanced machinery (I mean there's technic, but as far as I know, it doesn't work with MineClone 2).

Recently a wave of retro-looking websites have been popping up around the webz. But most of them use atleast one of these technologies. I want to shed some light on how those technologies might harm your (((aesthetics))).

Why Javascript is terrible

It's code. It's code running in your browser.

Why CSS is terrible (Almost) Everything CSS does is bad for your webpage design. You can do most styling in just HTML 4.0, with <body> attributes, and <font> tags. Anything else like changing tags' ckground color, and animating <div> tags is, in my opinion, against the retro bpage aesthetic. All that said, I don't have anything against using a little bit of CSS in your webpages. My pages have this in them... <style> h1, nav { text-align: center; } p { margin-left: 6%; margin-right: 6% } </style> ...which is totally fine as far as aethetic goes. But these things aren't: <div> tags with background colors <div> tags with rounded corner (((sidebars)))

Why HTML 5.0 is terrible

Alright, I don't really have any real problems with HTML 5.0, other than it deprecated HTML 4.0 styling. Technically it's (((bloated))) of course, but so is every other damn web standard.